Why Won’t My Dog Listen? Dealing with Emotional Overload
When dealing with problem behaviors, the first question isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What emotion is driving this behavior?” photo: AdobeStock
A common complaint from dog owners goes like this: “When he’s barking, lunging, or jumping around, he doesn’t listen to me at all.”
Sound familiar? It’s true — but, contrary to what many may think, this behavior isn’t about defiance.
We often expect dogs to respond to our words when they are angry, aroused, frightened, or wildly excited. Unfortunately, that’s exactly when they can’t. Dogs, like humans, are emotional beings who can think, not thinking beings who occasionally have emotions. Emotion always leads the way.
Anger, for example, has sometimes been described as “temporary insanity.” When humans are angry, judgment disappears and good decisions are unlikely. Dogs are no different. An angry or over-aroused dog isn’t choosing bad behavior; he’s simply reacting. You can’t reason with that state of mind, and you can’t modify behavior while the dog is emotionally flooded.
Anticipation creates a similar problem. Think about the minutes before mealtime: tail wagging, barking, spinning, toy-grabbing. In our house, each dog expresses excitement differently. One chews a ball, one squeaks toys, another barks and spins. It’s joyful, but it can also tip into chaos, especially with big, physical dogs. That’s why it helps to have a plan in place before their excitement spirals out of control.
This is the heart of the issue: dogs always act on their emotions, so we need to plan for that. When dealing with problem behaviors, the first question isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What emotion is driving this behavior?” Once you understand that, you can intervene calmly and effectively before the dog loses control.
Take jumping, for example. If your dog greets you or your guests by launching himself into the air, he isn’t being rude - he’s thrilled. When we get angry or yell, that usually increases energy, confuses the dog, and results in even more jumping. A better approach is to diffuse the excitement: lower your own energy, create space, move to another room, or quietly ignore the dog until he settles. Once your dog is calm, you can reinforce a more appropriate behavior like sitting or waiting. These strategies may not be as emotionally satisfying as yelling, but they work.
The same principle applies to chasing squirrels. Yelling at a dog who has already slammed through the dog door has exactly zero impact. She’s not thinking about you; she’s thinking about catching the squirrel. Management techniques like blocking access, controlling the environment, or preventing rehearsal of the behavior are far more effective than reacting after the fact.
Fear-based behaviors require even more empathy. A dog who barks at strangers from several feet away isn’t being aggressive or stubborn; he’s afraid and trying to create distance. Forcing interactions can escalate fear to the point of a bite. Progress comes from understanding that the behavior feels life-saving to the dog. More space, slower introductions, and controlled setups will lead to safer, more lasting change.
Finally, practice matters. If you want a dog to respond under stress or excitement, the behaviors you’re asking for must be automatic. Think of a musician on stage or a speaker facing a crowd. Without practice, minds go blank. The same is true for dogs.
So here’s the drill in a nutshell:
Assess your dog’s emotional state and identify what he needs to be able to focus.
Make training fun, turning fear and anxiety into positive experiences.
Practice appropriate behaviors below your dog’s trigger threshold until skills are solid and automatic.
Maintain a cheerful calm demeanor; your dog reads your emotions more than your words.
Remember, your dog isn’t trying to push your buttons or willfully defy you. They’re just emotionally overloaded and reacting in their own dogly way. So take a breath and meet their emotions with understanding. That’s when real change becomes possible.