Alone? Scared? Let’s Talk About Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is hard on everyone. photo: AdobeStock

Separation anxiety is hard on dogs and humans alike. After working with Katie and her dog Latte to help Latte recover from panicking when left alone, Katie and I sat down for a talk about her experience.  

Pamela: How did you know there was a problem with your dog?

Katie: Latte was still a puppy when she started to show signs of separation anxiety. I realized she’d literally worn down her teeth trying to yank open the crate door while I was gone - possibly for hours. I felt like the worst human on the planet, totally heartbroken that I’d put her in a situation where she felt that way, and I had no idea what I could do to fix it. Also, she would bark, whine, howl, and drool, and it wouldn’t stop.

Pamela: Before we connected, what did you know about separation anxiety?

Katie: I’d had a previous dog with anxiety, but she wasn’t destructive so when none of the things I’d seen online seemed to help (music, treat toys, pheromone diffusers), I’d basically given up and I felt guilty anytime I left her alone. But Latte was really hurting herself and there seemed to be very little encouragement or direction for dog owners whose dogs didn’t respond to easy fixes. I wasn’t willing to follow what seemed like bad advice, including punishing dogs who act out when alone or just letting her bark it out. I knew that, in many cases, these dogs were not misbehaving. They had anxiety about being separated from their owner and were actually panicking.

Katie: After discovering that Latte was wearing down her teeth on the crate, I immediately called my vet to talk about anxiety medication and to see what other advice she had. I was lucky in that she was very knowledgeable and told me there were trainers with certifications in separation anxiety training (CSAT). It was really encouraging to feel like there was a professional community that had some common standards and expertise.

Pamela: What do you wish you had known before you embarked on the training?

Katie: I wish I’d known to look past that first knee-jerk reaction and take a fuller inventory of the potential cost of not intervening. Yes, training would be expensive and hard for a few months, but we would make progress and it would get easier. A couple months of cobbling together funds for training and daycare and leaning on neighbors and friends for help paled in comparison to the potential of years of guilt and worry and spiraling behavior issues, making it so that even when I was home the dog and I would both be consumed with stress about what would happen when I next left. I wish I’d known that if you work with a trainer who specializes in separation anxiety, and you do your part, your dog will almost certainly get better.

Pamela: What were a few things you learned along the way that might help other folks?

Katie: I became better educated about what subtle body language signals anxiety - things like yawning, paw lifting, and lip licking. This made me a much better pup parent to Latte. I also realized that while medication alone wouldn’t be sufficient, it did make a noticeable difference when it kicked in. The whole endeavor started to seem a lot more like the multimodal treatment approaches I was familiar with in human medicine and less like voyaging through some mysterious and illogical canine mental universe without a map. I also was doubtful about training via Zoom. I didn't understand how this could possibly work, but I learned that it was amazingly effective for an expert to watch my dog while she was home alone in order to advise first steps and guide me along the way. Finally, I still can’t believe that Latte can now be left at home comfortably. It all feels worth it.

Do you have a dog who suffers from separation anxiety? To learn more about this topic and how to deal with it, check out this list of helpful resources. The sooner you start addressing the problem, the happier you and your dog will be.