My Furry Valentine: How to Reframe Training Challenges With Love

Muffin is a dog of love. photo: Althea Karwowski

February brings Valentine’s Day and thoughts of love, at least to the card aisle of your local grocery store. But as a trainer supporting clients whose dogs are struggling with fear, reactivity, and aggression, I think about love a lot every day. These clients are seeking training because they love their dogs and want the best for them, not just on Valentine’s Day, but throughout the year. 

A big part of the first conversation I have with a dog guardian is about reframing how they view their dog’s behavior in a way that centers around empathy.  What is their dog experiencing and how does that impact the path to behavior change? So many people are surprised and relieved to learn that what they thought was a dog being stubborn, vengeful, or just plain bad was actually something else: a dog who was afraid, panicking, and stressed. It’s a breakthrough moment when a dog guardian says, “I didn’t realize how stressed she was so much of the time. Now that I am watching and understanding her body language, I see what she is feeling.”  

Establishing empathy is foundational to changing your dog’s behavior. Once you understand what’s driving the dog, this enables you to work on the next step, management, in which you rearrange your dog’s environment to reduce triggers. Coupled with daily enrichment activities and a thoughtfully designed behavior modification plan to teach skills and build new positive associations, your dog will soon be on the way to improved behavior.

How does reframing work? Let’s say a dog guardian comes to me because their dog is doing a behavior that is unpleasant and stressful for the person (barking, lunging, not moving on walks). The guardian says that they have tried punishing the dog for “behaving badly” but that it hasn’t worked or they just don’t feel right about it.

I let them know the reason their dog is doing the problem behavior is because the dog is upset. I then share options for responding to the unwanted behavior that keep the dog safe, make the unwanted behavior less likely, and make alternate behaviors more likely.

At this point, the dog guardian usually sighs with relief, saying that they didn’t like punishing their dog, but that they didn’t know what else to do.  Now that they understand the dog was suffering and have tools to alleviate it, they feel more bonded to their dog. 

But what are the nuts and bolts of reframing? To better understand this approach, here are ways to reframe three common unwanted canine behaviors, with an appropriate compassionate response designed to redirect behavior for each one.

Empathetic Reframe1:

Understand that your dog is barking and lunging because they are afraid of the person approaching, not because your dog is being a jerk.

Compassionate Response 1: Use management to create more distance on walks by crossing the street or giving the approaching person a wider berth. Then use a classic conditioning technique to pair the sight of an approaching person with an especially delicious treat, such as cheese, chicken, or tripe.

Empathetic Reframe 2:

Understand that your dog freezes or stalls on a walk because she is nervous about something in the environment, not because she is stubborn.

Compassionate Response 2: Use management techniques such as taking your walks in quieter locations, limiting walks to potty breaks, and amping up your enrichment and play repertoire at home.  Then work on confidence building through scent work games, tricks using props in the environment, or walks with dog friends who help your dog feel safer.

Empathetic Reframe 3:

Understand that your dog isn’t doing the behavior you’re asking (like a sit or a down, which they may willingly do at home) because they don’t feel safe in their current environment.

Compassionate Response 3: Change the picture. Maybe that means creating more distance from a crowd of people, or from another dog, or from a noisy street. In other words, try asking for the same behavior but with fewer distractions. As an alternative, engage your dog in an activity that will get them sniffing/searching/seeking, for example, by tossing treats onto the grass for them to find.  Shift your goal from “I need my dog to do X behavior” to “How can I engage my dog in this moment based on their comfort level?”

Love and compassion will go a long way toward building a stronger relationship with the dog in your life (and with the people, too). So this Valentine’s Day, send a little empathy their way.  Life will be sweeter for both of you.