How to Fall In Love With Your Dog Again

Dory is easy to love. photo: Kelly Gorman Dunbar

Poodles, Oodles, and Bernese, oh my! That’s how I spent my holidays this year – with my second furry family. 

Pre-pandemic, it was my tradition to have my very best puppy-raising clients as guests for long overdue cuddles and training brush-ups. We’d hike and practice fun training drills, dress up in holiday garb, dance to silly music, eat snacks, and generally make merry with a houseful of beloved student dogs that I could not possibly love more if they were my own. My dogs loved it too - kind of like cousin time!

 Last year was indeed very lonely without them, but we were all still very isolated within our tiny bubbles in December 2020. This year, to my delight, we had a full house again! In some cases, I welcomed furry faces that I’d known since they were 6- or 8-weeks-old, seven or eight years ago, but hadn’t seen in nearly two years’ time. 

Plenty of happy tears were shed this year. But as our reunion wrapped up, it left me acutely aware of all of the training I do with my puppy class to make such a time possible.

 When you think of a dog training class, what do you envision? Do you see dogs and owners marching around in a circle, on-leash, with owners barking (pun intended) orders to their pups in a militaristic fashion? Or, do you see the exact opposite? Puppies running amok, wildly playing, biting and ignoring their owners, or hiding under the seats, overwhelmed by the chaotic environment?

Eve and Poppy working their magic. photo: Kelly Gorman Dunbar

 In my opinion, a good puppy training class should be neither of these things. Yes, I teach my students what some would call traditional obedience, though I prefer to call it manners “cues” or ESL (after all, English is a second language to all dogs). And yes, I let my student pups play a bit with each other, too, but generally not willy-nilly, without direction. 

My classes are not a Lord of the Flies reenactment, but rather are carefully crafted with intention, a keen observational eye, and plenty of interruption to keep things from escalating. To me, training requires a solid foundation of security, clarity, and confidence, flecked with a touch of curiosity and playfulness, a lot of mutual respect, and often love.

 In fact, training a dog begins with relationship building because if you don’t have a genuine connection founded on trust and communication, you’re only building a house of straw that can be blown away or burned down at any moment.

 Your life with your dog isn’t about sit, down, stay, and come when called. Don’t get me wrong - those are important skills for most companion dogs to master, but really they are pretty darn easy to teach. What’s more challenging from a dog trainer’s point of view is helping each dog and owner craft a genuine connection where training cues are merely the language with which two different species communicate to live, work, and play in harmony. It’s about building a relationship where your dog chooses to be with you, with no training aids present.

Poppy is floppy. photo: Kelly Gorman Dunbar

 So this year - as I wiped 36 paws every time we came in from romping in the rain, cleaned between their toes, asked them to lie down for a tummy toweling (especially the low riders), administered meds for some, cleaned ears, groomed knotty bits, gave in to countless polite requests for hugs, doled out special chews for all on their individual stations - I was reminded of how much work we’ve done to get to this place. A place where everyone can have a bully ring to chew while we watch a holiday classic cuddled together in the living room. A place where nine dogs, some of whom don’t even know each other, can line up patiently at paw wiping or feeding time and calmly wait their turn. A place where we can go for a group walk on leash without pulling, gagging, barking, and lunging. 

To me, this is the holy grail of pet dog training. Off leash play is fun, but when I see a dog who can go anywhere with his owner - down city streets, into stores, etc. - because the beings on both ends of the leash are comfortable and connected and the leash merely a suggestion…that impresses me so much more.

So if I have one bit of advice to give you as you embark on a new year with your pooch, it’s not to train more. It’s to really see the dog in front of you. Acknowledge him as a sentient being, let go of your needs and expectations a bit, and do your best to just be your dog’s trusted friend. 

Listen, observe, play. Put your phone away and stop relying on repetitive games of fetch or worse, other dogs, to entertain your pup. Stop trying to just wear them out so you can zone out. Be present. 

Fall in love again and everything else will fall into place.