Maniacs on leash are often disguised as sweet angels until they encounter something with which they’re unfamiliar. photo: AdobeStock
Almost anyone who has ever gotten a puppy has heard about the importance of socialization - and that’s a good thing. Dogs who are isolated from people, other dogs, and the everyday sights and sounds of our human world are often set up for a lifetime of stress, anxiety, and reactivity. We see it in dogs from puppy mills, dogs raised in laboratories, puppies who spent their early weeks quarantined with illnesses like parvo, and a whole generation of pandemic puppies who met almost no one during lockdown.
According to the American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior, the first three months of a dog’s life are the most important for socialization. Puppies are little sponges during this window, and what they learn tends to stick. In fact, the AVSAB considers socializing puppies before they finish their vaccines to be standard care.
Socialization Isn’t a Meet-and-Greet Tour
Unfortunately, socialization has come to mean something else for many new dog owners. They think it means bringing their dog to every farmers’ market, restaurant, and party, plus heading to the dog park to meet as many dogs as possible (spoiler alert: that’s not socialization).
Ideally, socialization aims for neutrality. We want dogs who can move through our human world and feel fairly “meh” about a tall man in a hat and sunglasses, a skateboard, a motorcycle, a loud noise, or another dog. Effective socialization means pairing those things - whether scary, exciting, or just plain weird - with something positive, usually food or play. It isn’t about teaching your dog to love everything. It’s about teaching them to be neutral about most things.
Nowhere has this concept been more misunderstood than when it comes to other dogs. Well-meaning puppy parents, in the name of socialization, inadvertently teach their dogs that they can greet, sniff, and play with every dog. In fact, we need to be teaching them that ignoring other dogs is just as important as getting along with them.
When “Too Friendly” Turns Into Leash Reactivity
As a trainer and behavior consultant, I see this all the time with dogs whose social life happens at daycare or the dog park. These dogs look beautifully socialized. They love all dogs, right up until they see one they’re not allowed to greet. Then this otherwise friendly dog turns into a maniac on the end of the leash, lunging, barking, pulling, and whining.
We know that dogs isolated from other dogs can become fearful and leash reactive to other dogs. But the flip side is also true: dogs who are “over-socialized” can become leash reactive, too.
This is a form of barrier frustration. The puppy who gets to pull you toward every dog on the street, the daycare dog with full access to every dog in the room, and the dog park regular who’s been allowed to approach any dog in sight have all learned that seeing a dog means a greeting, or maybe even a party. But when the leash gets in the way, they’re like the toddler who’s gotten candy on every trip to the supermarket and then one day hears “No.” It’s not a pretty sight.
Not Every Leash Maniac Wants to Play
Plenty of dogs bark and lunge because they’re fearful or aggressive. That said, some anxious dogs who have no interest in playing are fine off leash, where they can arc around another dog or walk away. On leash, they lose the option of flight, so they make a big noise to make the other dog go away instead.
Then there’s the dog who drags you over to another dog, sniffs briefly, and walks off. “My dog doesn’t even play with other dogs,” my clients tell me, “so why are they pulling me over there?” Often they are gathering information about a possible threat. One quick sniff and it’s Oh, you’re okay. Carry on.
Not Meeting Other Dogs Is Just as Important as Getting Along With Them
But let’s assume your dog is generally friendly. Even if they get along with everyone at daycare or live next to an off-leash area, it's essential to practice not meeting other dogs. That means intentionally going places where your dog can see other dogs they are not going to be allowed to greet, and pairing that experience with appropriate training (scroll down for the how-to).
Puppies also need time around adult dogs who couldn’t care less about playing with them. Puppies who only go to puppy playdates, and adolescents who spend all their time with other adolescents (which is mostly who you’ll find at a dog park), quickly learn that every dog is a potential playmate. That’s not real life.
Your Dog Still Needs Dog Friends
That doesn’t mean your dog should never socialize with other dogs. Most dogs benefit from a small circle of familiar dog friends. If you’ve ever been part of the five o’clock club at your local park, where the same dogs and people show up every afternoon, you know how much everyone enjoys it, even if the dogs just sniff around together and nobody plays. Familiarity and ritual matter to dogs. Negotiating a brand-new relationship with every dog they meet is a lot of work and can be stressful. It’s like being the new kid at school every day.
Dog sociability is a spectrum. Some dogs are lifelong party animals (like your 40-year-old friend who still goes to raves), while others are what I call “book club” dogs who prefer a few select friends. Sociability also changes with age, so the puppies who loved everyone in their early months or years may become more selective as they mature (more on that in From Playful Pup to Selective Adult.)
The Problem With Dog Parks
Most trainers (myself included) recommend avoiding enclosed dog parks, especially small ones. Some dogs with excellent social skills do fine at enclosed dog parks, but they’re the exception, not the rule. Every visit brings a crowd of new dogs, the parks tend to fill with untrained adolescents with no recall training, and dogs pick up bad habits while everyone stands around on their phones.
If you’re a regular dog park goer, please read The Dog Park Is Bad, Actually and The Pros and Cons of Dog Parks. Then think honestly about how much of what you read applies to you and your dog.
The Problem With Leashed Greetings
Never let your dog run up on a leashed dog. That dog may be aggressive, recovering from surgery, or scared; or their person may just be in a hurry to get home. On leash, that other dog can’t move away, and even the friendliest dogs may react if they cannot retreat (and no, shouting "They're friendly" does not make it okay).
I don’t recommend greetings when both dogs are leashed either, and that goes double for dogs who don’t know each other. Dogs greet by arcing around and sniffing, while humans greet head-on, which dogs read as a provocation. When their humans walk straight toward each other, the dogs have no room to arc or circle, and then everyone is left scratching their heads saying, “But my dog loves other dogs!”
If a leashed greeting is going to happen anyway, check with the other person first, then keep both leashes loose and held high so the dogs can circle and sniff rear ends the way dogs are built to do. Give them room to move around each other, and be ready to walk away the moment either dog stiffens, stares, or tries to leave (learn more in Hello There! Why On-Leash Dog Greetings Can Lead to Trouble.)
How to Teach Your Dog to Ignore Dogs They Cannot Meet
The plan is the same whether you have a brand-new puppy or a three-year-old dog who has been dragging you across the street for years. Here’s how to teach it.
Start with distance. Your dog needs to be far enough away from another dog to see them and still take treats, look around without fixating, and stop to sniff. This might mean the other side of a wide street, the far end of a parking lot, or the edge of a park where dogs pass at a distance. If your dog is whining, staring, or pulling, you’re just too close. Distance is your friend, and at first you’ll need more than you think.
Pair dogs they cannot greet with something great. The minute your dog notices a dog they aren’t going to greet, pop a treat in their mouth and keep walking. You don’t need them to sit or stare at you. Noticing the dog is the point because that’s what predicts the treat. Your dog is learning that seeing a dog they can’t greet means something fabulous happens on your end.
With a young puppy, this won’t take many repetitions. There’s no frustration to undo yet, so the lesson sticks fast and quickly.
If your dog is already a frustrated greeter, do the same thing, but expect it to need many more repetitions; think weeks and months, not days. That’s because you’re not just teaching a new habit. You’re changing how your dog feels when another dog appears, from I can’t get there and it’s killing me to Oh look, a dog. Where’s my treat? The Engage-Disengage Game is a great training tool for this stage.
Teach “Go say hi” and “Let’s go.” “Go say hi” means a greeting is allowed. “Let’s go” means we’re moving on. Never let pulling earn a greeting, or you’ve taught your dog that dragging you works. For the step-by-step on how to teach this, read Say Hi or Walk On By? Teaching Your Dog When to Greet or Move On.
Practice meeting some dogs and ignoring others. With friendly, frustrated dogs, I’ll often work backward. We start somewhere the dog is comfortable around off-leash dogs, with the dog on a 15-foot-long line or 6-foot drag line. Then we toggle between meeting some dogs and ignoring others using the engage-disengage game. This way the dog learns that being near other dogs doesn’t automatically mean a greeting.
Skip the corrections. A leash pop, a sharp “No!,” making your dog sit, or - God forbid - a shock may stop the whining quickly, but your dog may very well learn that every time they see another dog, something uncomfortable or painful happens. At that point, you’ve turned a friendly but frustrated dog into a fearful, truly reactive, or even aggressive dog.
Work on impulse control. Many, though not all, frustrated greeters also have trouble with self-control in general. The dog who can’t stand not greeting another dog is often the same dog who can’t wait at the door, drop the ball, or keep four paws on the floor when company arrives. Skills like loose leash walking, recall, drop, leave it, wait, and stay all teach the same underlying lesson: good things come to dogs who can hold on a second.
Get professional help if needed: If you are feeling stuck, consider working with a qualified, force-free behavior consultant who can help with setting up practice sessions, coaching you on timing and thresholds, using a neutral helper dog, and teaching your dog how to do slow, polite greetings when a greeting is actually the goal.
The Good News
I work with a lot of reactive dogs, and in my experience, leash frustration in friendly, social dogs is generally the easiest kind of reactivity to resolve. These dogs don’t have to overcome a deep fear of other dogs. They need to learn what every well-adjusted adult eventually learns: you don’t have to be friends with everybody - and most people you pass on the street are none of your business.