Love Is In The Little Things: How To Be Your Dog’s Valentine

“Hundi, my Rottie boy does a happy wiggle dance first thing in the morning so we dance together for a minute as we greet the day.” photo: Kelly Gorman Dunbar

Each morning I wake to the pitter patter of my eldest dog, Laz, a Belgian Tervuren, padding over to my bedside where he then waits quietly, patiently for me to open my eyes, stretch, or take a deep breath of air as the newly awakened do. Well, most of the time he waits. Occasionally he just lofts himself up onto the bed, somehow without stepping on me, and settles right down parallel to me, resting his chin on my stomach and waiting for me to open my eyes and get to our day.

As the household’s eldest dog, Laz has earned the privilege of sleeping in my bedroom in a big comfy dog bed. I like having him nearby, but he generally runs very hot and doesn't care to sleep in bed with me. However, he does love to cuddle. So we usually have a little snuggle session right when we hit the hay and then again when we wake. Sometimes in the morning I invite him up and other times, as described above, he invites himself.

Those moments when I bury my nose behind his silky soft ear and my fingers into his thick plush fur, when our breathing slows and syncs up, are precious and I cherish them deeply - all the more so because I know our time together is not unlimited. Every day counts. I am never too busy or too tired for our cuddling rituals. Daily connection is very important to Laz so we make sure to get in a good dose, first and last thing each day.

In fact, I have little morning love rituals with all of my dogs, because love is in the little things, the daily practices. Each ritual is tailored to the dog in front of me and honors who they are as well as our relationship.

For little Villa, my sweetly subtle brindle Terrier, I greet her with a big morning stretch every day that ends with her in my arms and a kiss right on the nose. I gently pick her up by her armpits (for lack of a better term) and raise her high as she stretches out as far as she can and enjoys a bit of traction, then pull her in close and kiss her muzzle after which she gives me an enthusiastic face washing.  Villa likes to start her day by grooming the ones she loves.

For Mars, my other Belgian boy, it’s a tummy rub. First thing he does when he greets me is to grab a towel or plush toy (he loves to carry things so I let him and provide appropriate items) and press his body into my legs, crossways, leaning in. In fact, he leans so hard that his feet slide out from under him and he lands, somehow gracefully, in a melted furry pile at my feet, tummy exposed, willing me to scratch his chest with his pleading brown eyes, mouth still stuffed with towel. For Mars, the endorphins he gets from expressing his genetic tendencies — to carry/hold — along with some tactile attention is utter bliss.

Then there is Ara, my canine queen, a Malinois, who is a beast of a girl out in the world, a warrior princess, a freaking missile. But when it comes to “momma,” nobody is more loyal and lovable. She, too, wants a big stretch first thing each day. She does this by putting her massive, thick knuckled paws right under my collarbone and stretching her neck up to delicately smooch me with a light, single lap of her tongue. Then she lets her front legs slide down my body until they’re caught by my hips. Once there this girl gives me the tightest, most genuine, humanlike hug that I have ever had from a dog. Every. Single. Day. It is intense and purposeful and so beautiful - just like her.

Hundi, my Rottie boy does a happy wiggle dance first thing in the morning so we dance together for a minute as we greet the day. Then he settles into the “Rottie Lean,” pressing his bum into me, trapping me from going forward until he’s had sufficient butt scratches with a simultaneous soulful gaze into my eyes. He loves making eye contact with me and I adore it, too. Hard to believe that when this bruiser of a boy first got here, he had a hard, steely glare that came off as more of a threat or dare than the “I love you” that his butter soft heart eyes exude nowadays. Trust is his love language and I am honored to have earned it.

Then it’s more Terrier time. Eve, a wee Border Terrier, my youngest and a real firecracker, meets each day raring to go. We start with wiggly snuggles into my neck, Eve climbing up my body and eventually getting tangled in my hair as she tries, it seems, to burrow right into my very being. Next, we go to wiggly potty time because all that wiggling gets the Terrier bladder jiggling. After that, it’s time to celebrate life with laps around the inner garden, just like a race car in the Indy 500, with an occasional stop at the pit (me) to wiggle some more and refuel with some pats and words of praise. Then she’s off, vrooming again! Eve values a good party and getting the lead out first thing.

And last, but not least, Emjay gets her private morning mom time. If Eve is a firecracker and Ara is a missile, Emjay is an extreme athlete, a rocket. To honor her is to just let her launch. She must reach the moon and stars before she’s ready to join us down here on earth, so our morning ritual is to literally release the hound. There’s no time for hugging or snuggles or happy dances, we must go! So it’s directly out to the field with Emjay where she shoots off to the four corners, hitting her full thoroughbred racehorse stride, leaping four feet in the air over any (mostly imagined or at least exaggerated) obstacles, buzzing me with drive bys. Once she’s burned off a bit of fuel she’ll come and sit at my feet, briefly, and ask for a chin scratch. Then she needs a task so it’s a few tosses of a ball and chew toy time or a puzzle game for Emjay. Subsequently, everyone else joins in while I go inside to prepare their breakfasts.

Yes, I have a lot of dogs. Yet each one is an individual who expresses themselves differently and connects with me in their own special way. They are all lovely, and I cherish them for who they are as sentient beings.

So my challenge to you this month is to identify and honor your dog’s love language. Do you give them an opportunity to be themselves every day? Or are you rushed and annoyed by their particular brand of joie de vivre? 

This February, strive to be your dog’s valentine. Honor the dog in front of you and keep that spark alive. You’ll both be happier for it.