Bearing Up: What Cancer (and My Dog) Taught Me About Gratitude

Sweet little Bear is a blessing. photo: Michele Horn Davis

“For me, every hour is grace. And I feel gratitude in my heart each time I can meet someone and look at his or her smile.” —Elie Wiesel 

November is the time of year when folks start to think about the things they are grateful for. The three F’s (family, friends, fortune) are definitely popular in the gratitude department. Also, the three H’s (health, happiness, home.) When I think about the things I’m grateful for, all of those items are on the list. I have the best friends, unrivaled family, and well…not so much fortune. But I do have happiness and a comfy home. I am grateful for all of those things, even my health, which has been its own journey lately.

Last year, I discovered that I have cancer. I’ve received the prescribed treatments and am on the road to recovery, but those first months were scary, and I had to rely on people more than I am usually comfortable with. Of course, I also relied on my dog Bear. 

While I was struggling with existential issues and just trying to get from one day to the next, my friends and family were there, open-hearted and ready to listen and process (or not, depending what I needed at the moment). I was just trying to climb one mountain at a time. My friends and family showed up for me in every possible way, and I took every opportunity to thank them. 

But I was surprised by how many of them thanked me for letting them help. Those moments let me realize that by allowing people to care for and help me, I was creating an opportunity to connect with them on a deeper level than I had before my illness. 

I was very open about what was happening with me, posting on social media at every step. Because of these posts, I heard from many folks who were encouraged to get their own cancer screenings, and I heard and met their gratitude with my own.  Even in the darkest times, I could always find gratitude, which I think made a huge impact on my treatment and recovery. 

In fact, there have been many studies on the role of gratitude in mental and physical health. As Dr. Robert Emmons, one of the leading scientific experts on gratitude, has observed, “The practice of gratitude can have dramatic and lasting effects in a person’s life. It can lower blood pressure, improve immune function, and facilitate more efficient sleep. Gratitude reduces lifetime risk for depression, anxiety and substance abuse disorders, and is a key resiliency factor in the prevention of suicide.”

Naturally, one of the things I am most grateful for every single day is my dog Bear. She has been my constant companion, my confidant, and my dearest love. But sadly, we recently discovered that Bear has a mass that is too risky to remove and will ultimately end her life. 

Since we got that news, I have been telling Bear every night before we go to sleep, “I love you, I am grateful for you, and I will remember you forever.” We don’t know how much time she has left so I am just spending every moment giving her love, taking her on road trips, and showing her how grateful I am for her.

Now I know Bear cannot understand my words, but at least one scientific study shows that I may still be receiving the benefits of expressing my gratitude to her. Researchers Joshua Brown and Joel Wong conducted a study in which participants were assigned to write “gratitude letters.” Participants weren’t required to actually send their letters to the intended recipients and, in fact, only 23 percent did. But the study authors found that those who didn’t send their letters still “enjoyed the benefits of experiencing gratitude nonetheless.” I take that to mean that whether Bear understands me or not (I secretly think she does), I still reap the benefits of expressing my gratitude for her. 

So, in this season of gratitude, please remember to thank all the people who helped you along the way, whatever that looked like at the time. And while you’re feeling grateful for the three F’s or the three H’s, don’t forget those three important D’s (dogs, dogs, dogs).